As I lay sprawled over my couch swimming in screens, I can’t help but acknowledge how pathetic my state is. How have we got to the stage where laptop on the lap and phone in our hand with about three different chat forums open, and 10 half- hearted convo’s going on, balanced with a few TV glances, is the norm?
Haven’t seen or spoken to someone in six months? no probs, just shoot them a quick Facebook message and bingo! BFF’S again. Had a heavy argument and have to see them tomorrow? nothing a bit of Insta- love can’t smooth over. Does anybody else see the pathetic-ness?
While our modern life style may be a tech- savvy, comfortable way to maintain contact while getting shit done, it can be bloody unhealthy. Alright, I know that some cheeky porn (for some), trashy TV and BRILLIANT BLOG READING doesn’t go astray… but you can get a lot of the same enjoyment from living, I like to believe anyway! Not only does it stop us from calling people or sitting down for a legitimate catch up, it feeds the illusion of OPTIONS.
Sex and The City happened to be playing in the background of my Sunday chill fest yesterday. Regardless of whether you can identify with any of the gals, think SJP looks like a horse or that filming in the Middle East made the second film SO RACIST, the complexities and struggles of life, particularly in relation to relationships with our pals and lovers, are very on point.
Not only does SATC reinforce the importance of nurturing friendships and sticking by ya bros & hos REGARDLESS of their weird life choices (or the shitty mistakes they make in your friendship), it also explores, time and time again, the issue of COMMITMENT. Cue the sigh’s of millions… I HEAR YA!
Before I go any further, I’d like to make it clear that this is not a male issue, I know a lot of girls who magically disappear off the face of the earth when promised some good love and affection. I also know a few boys who would wed tomorrow, even if she aint’ Miranda Kerr.
In my life away from the screen, I’ve had my fair share of ‘interactions’ with the opposite sex; enough to have experienced the frustrations of innuendo bingo, the ever convenient labelling lethargy and time management twister (no thesaurus needed). When I was 14-18, there wasn’t really anywhere my boi- frans could run away to (other than their homelands) and so I guess I was a bit safer. However, now that us 20-something’s have the world at our feet (apparently) everything is a bit more complicated.
There are two main issues when it comes to commitment: FEAR of MISSING OUT (FOMO) and FEAR OF REJECTION/ HEART BREAK.
” Being famous on Instagram is like being rich in Monopoly”
While I can see the positives of social media, I reckon our obsession with it has something to do with this FOMO phenomenon. Functioning as a virtual record of every social interaction that enhances our status and popularity, Facebook, Snapchat and Instagram competition gives us little opportunity to keep our lives private (particularly from the friends kept off the guest list) because we have to remind our audience of how vitally great our lives are.
(Reminding your ex of what they’re missing doesn’t go unconsidered either, letssss be honest!).
“The grass is greener where you water it”
The FOMO also translates into the options we have to determine what and whether we study, work, make and save money, travel, where we live. The net takes the cocktail of options to a new level, particularly when it comes to meeting people and dating. For people who struggle to commit, particularly because there may just be someone/somewhere better, Tinder and okCupid may just be enhancing the issue. The problem with avoiding commitment, among others is that nothing will be learnt from it, about what we do or don’t want, ourselves, love and relationships.
I know what it is like to be hurt and rejected, its horrible. The only thing that has balanced out those experiences is the loving relationships I’ve had with boy and girls, young and old. If I had closed myself off and become a sour grape, I may have lived a sad and empty life. While I am a massive advocate of self- love and discovery and definitely float around in my own world, no matter where I travel to, whom I meet or how I spend my time or money, nothing provides the satisfaction that a big dose of human bonding does.
We never know anyone’s full story or the reasons they have certain defences or walls, and they are valid. Also, the search for love isn’t easy, finding a soul that grooves with ours is rare (you never know until you try though!).
I just reckon, that if we shifted our focus from our screens more often, expanded our circles and TOOK SOME CHANCES, we might have a better chance of finding our desired Channing and Miranda replicas. Even if we don’t, the journey can be a lot more fun and full of experiences, than the headache and numb ass I now have from sitting here writing this.
Lets go open doors!