SEX [Cut the Bullshit]

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Lena Dunham-Girls

First things first I’m a freakin’ realist (if you haven’t noticed already). Apart from the odd trips to the private island where my prince charming rides his horse along coconut laden beaches, I like to believe the media and other poisons haven’t totally saturated the way I think and act.

Floating amongst the smart, independent, liberated & tech savy, and apparently lazy, debt-ridden and self-obsessed [Y] generation, I often find I hold multiple views on singular topics. I’ve been told its because of my 20+ status, but I like to think it is because I ask a lot of [Y] questions.

The responses I received when announcing I was going to be writing a post about SEX involved a lot of WHAT?! NO! HAHA! YOLO! DO IT!. This in itself reiterated the difference levels of value and importance we place on the topic; and the differing meanings we associate with sex.

If you’re doing it out of a committed relationship, chances are you’re a dirty, desperate whore; or a wild, free spirited party gal/ ladies man. If you’re not, then you MUST be part of some weird religious cult, right? you frigid virgin! Oh and if you ARE in a relationship, I hope the sex is good and consistent so nobody strays, but not SO good that I have to hear about it during work. Over compensating for shitty sex is so fucking embarrassing.

[Y]

But Y is it so embaro? what determines what is and isn’t good sex other than porno’s and hollywood? Y do we have to pretend that it was ammazzzingggg when it was shit. Or that it’s happening 7 days a week. Or down play the frequency. Or justify sleeping with painfully average people because (gasp) we actually love them.

More importantly though, when did sex become the determining factor of LOVE, CHEMISTRY and INTERCOURSE?

Y don’t we admit it can be fucking awkward, painful, boring and grossly sweaty?

Y does dick and boob size have to come into the equation?

Y do teens feel pressured to just ‘get it out of the way’?

Y do we do it when we don’t want to, or refrain when we do?

Y does horny = whore?

Y do we find it acceptable to use friends and strangers as sex machines without commitment?

Y is sex used to exercise power, control and abuse?

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A few years ago my uni pals and I were confronted with an alternative view of sex, one that actually reflects some of the reality I alluded to above.

As some of you may know, the incredibly talented Lena Dunham wrote, directed and starred in GIRLS. Being the realistic, feminist arts students that we were, one could assume that we frothed over the sight of Lena’s gut hanging out while she ate cake on the toilet, her oily hair and stretch marks captured from unflattering angles during sex, and the constant whining of confusion, debt and frustrations about relationships and life that she expresses constantly. But instead we were conflicted.

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I distinctively remember my girlfriend walking into class and announcing in a huff ” I’m so confused at the moment, like, I love Hannah (Lena’s character) but she fucking annoys me and grosses me out”. I was shocked by the similarities in our thinking process but didn’t realise the cause of it.

Unfortunately we are not honest. Our parents awkwardly talk about precautions, their views on appropriate locations, and timing/ stages to engage in sex, our schools provide us with stunning images of genitalia and STD’s and, well, we all know what mass media does. Can you recall guts banging together during a steaming sex scene? didn’t think so.

But no one warns us about the first time. Premature ejaculation and erectile disfunction (note the language) are framed as MAJOR issues/ illness’ that are also hushed, and fake boobies, artificial himen and vagina tightening  are on the rise [WTF].

I am not for one second claiming that sex is over rated or unenjoyable. That would be ridiculous. It is a basic human need after all, and can play an important role in romantic relationships.  All I am saying is that it is time to start TALKING HONESTLY!

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 Talking honestly
with new flames/ sex partners/ catches etc BEFORE sex occurs. At least learn their name and age?  fav sport? too much? I think defining of our intentions and expectations from the get- go is vital in establishing a basic level of respect. 

Talking honestly about our past relationships, sexual experiences and related insecurities. we need to STOP bullshitting about how many people we’ve slept with. It’s pathetic and counter productive.

Talking honestly with our pals about sex. Frequency, quality, relevance to the latest Asian porn.

Talking honestly with our partner about our likes and dislikes, and most importantly not letting our EGO take over when it’s not a 10/10 home run. Good things take time. 

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People appreciate honestly. We bond over authenticity, in realising how similar our struggles and experiences are.

Lets cut the bloody bullshit and start being a bit more real.

Strip your clothes off, grab some cake and go sit on the toilet.

 

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Author: Isabella M

6th year uni student Bhlr Comms ( Journalism)- graduated Bhlr behavioural sciences & counselling travel, food, wine, learning, laughing, yoga !

3 thoughts on “SEX [Cut the Bullshit]”

  1. I’ve done some pretty sexual things in my life, but…by far…the greatest sexual experience I’ve ever had was making love. Nothing compares. Making love isn’t about sex; it’s about that spiritual bond, that connection you can’t get with some chick you meet at a party. Sex is all fun and games, but it’s very limited and too much about trying to impress each other. When we drop expectations on sex and focus entirely on the sensation and the fact that we love each other, that’s the greatest feeling in the world.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Reblogged this on Alternative Thoughts and commented:

    Currently reading Lena Dunham’s ‘Not that kind of girl’ and loving every word, while being reminded of the power her blatant honesty has, especially in relation to the ‘nitty gritty’ shit of life; love, sex, relationships, body image etc… reminded me of the points I raised in one of my favourite posts about the reality of s.e.x.

    Like

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