#Gramspam

lady gaga

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=wQdcCiVb59g

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

I spent a lot of my holidays with my brain and phone off, which was rather delicious. During the coconut & colada reclining sesh, I did however view the above video.

Being a (former) Gaga skeptic, I planned to dedicate approx five minutes of my demanding schedule to the ‘clown’ – who quickly slapped my ignorance in the face with absolute brilliance.

For once I am not going to impose my opinions on y’all- instead I’ve decided to leave the link to the hour long interview here, for leisurely viewing.

The video perfectly articulates my views on social media and mental health/ illness– SO, SO ELOQUENTLY.

As the techno slaves we are swiftly becoming, It’s more important than ever to gain some control over the shit that now determines our moods.

So, I thought I would use this platform to lightly suggest some worthy Gram follows.

(Randomly) listed below are some of the accounts that keep me #stable, #happy, #inspired and #LOLing through this thang’ called life, in 2016!

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Amy Baby

It’s no secret that I can be slightly melo- dramatic, especially when it comes to the feels, or a topic  I am ‘passionate’ about. I was born giving alotta fucks, and luckily, when I started uni six years ago, I found my people- with whom I continue to give ALOT of fucks about ALOT of things, ALOT of the time.

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One of those care- givers is a mate who I share a rather hilarious vibe with- one that doesn’t really require much fertilising or watering at all. We can go months without a message or call- but when her name lights up the old apple, I know I’m about to be taken on a philosophical trip.

There was one particular evening where I initiated a melancholy moment back in the winter however, when our film majors, experiences and fears all kinda collided at once.

I’m not a major film cryer. I feel what I gotsta feel, and always reflect where it’s due. However 20 weeks ago (according to insta) I viewed something that hasn’t really left my conscience. So much so, that I cannot bring myself to watch again and nor can my mate.

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On a miserable winters day I watched the Amy film.

In summary, Amy Winehouse was broken. Firstly by her dad (who abandoned her and her mother), then her own sabotaging behaviour that manifested out of a fight for control and approval. And finally by the media– who gave her attention that she was NOT interesting in whatsoever.

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This is where my second area of study flows in- which has only heightened my realisation that broken is everywhere.

Broken has always existed and it serves a purpose– we need the dark to balance light and we need to break to transform, free, fight etc.

Broken is in songs, movies, books, voices, eyes, body language, yoga mats and wine glasses. It keeps the economoy alive as well as pubs and brothels.

More scarily- It’s in my generation- in the drug epidemic, in masked selfies and naked wardrobes.

This is where it becomes a chicken or egg debate- if we didn’t have platforms to express our shit, would it be there to begin with? are we triggering each others insecurities or making something that wasn’t as bad, amplified? I think it’s a bit of both.

What I do know is that our childhoods really do shape us. That our emotional self is always gonna be our inner child, who we spend our adult years expressing, saving or sabotaging in some way.

#HEAVY I know!

But life is heavy… and light too, it comes down to what we do to balance it all out, how we use our stories and experiences as motivation.. to let go and to love ourselves, and therefore each other.

For Amy, even though she could recognise her #daddyissues, she forever fought for his approval and love, her daddy’s little girl tatt sums up the struggle. We all internalise and respond differently and there is no right or wrong way of doing so.

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We can’t judge each other for our resistance or residence, and we can’t save or fix each other either.

I think this may be why the film hit my friend and I so much- the fact that no one could save Amy, including herself.

This kind of  realisation is not an easy one to fathom, because we have seen loved ones spiral in the same way.

This however is the reality of life– it isn’t always fair and it can be horrible- shit does happen, all the time. All we can do is choose where we put our energy, focus and what we want to manifest.

Having an understanding of the fact that hurt people hurt others, and that our actions are a product of our life script (written by a combo of influences from day one), helps in acceptance too.

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All we can control is our perception, which we can change at any time. Our actions are either determined by love or fear, and it takes courage to choose love.

This post kinda sums up the lesson I have gained this year. 2015 has been about letting go of shit that no longer serves me, whilst acknowledging it’s role in my journey. Letting go isn’t easy but it is so necessary. I only hope that erry one can do so in their own way and time, so that we can embrace the beauty of life.

MERRY XMAS  & Happy Sunday!

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You Sound Like You’re From London!


“WHERE ARE YOU FROM?”

-It’s a question I get asked on the reg, in different forms, across all kinda contexts.

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Perception is a funny thing- from ‘white chocolate’ to Albanian, I’ve gotten it all, and it’s cool; I’m all about multiculturalism- especially when my friends adopt me as part of their ethnic crews.

However, no matter how much sangria I consume, curry I devour or Italian stallions I drool over, there’s a tiny fact that only a few of my pals have been able to identify.

Apart from the frequent “you sound like you’re from London” observation from strangers, the degree to which I’m a MASSIVE Brit/ POM at heart has gone unnoticed.

While my undying love for London town, including Harry & Wills; my besties that feel the need to reside there (as well as it’s ridiculously close proximity to Italia and olay- town) is no secret, there is something else that fuels my bond with the motherland…

And that is… British TV. (DON’T JUDGE!)

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I started young, with late night viewings of the BILL and the Vicar of Dibley, and progressed to AB FAB (which could explain a lot about my adulthood).

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The love matured however when I discovered TOWIE and Made in Chelsea, and it continues to flourish as I navigate my way through the early years of adulthood, stumbling and (hopefully) growing along side Louise & Spenny.

There is something comforting about watching people of a similar age making the same fuck- ups, being slapped in the face by the same lessons and experiencing just as much confusion and disillusion (and of course oodles of fun).

The bond between the viewers and the botoxed beauties is one that cannot be explained, it is felt across oceans and screens.

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It is developed, not through the piss ups and overt vanity, but in the vulnerability and hurt that is felt and shown, especially in relationships (/ failed attempts at that love thang).

There is one particular gal that I want to fly over and cuddle. Up until the last ep of Made in Chelsea, poor Binky has been bloody unlucky in love. Not because she’s a dud, but because people can be A-holes.

After being repeatedly cheated on by a dickhead named Alex, Binks took her time to heal.

During this time, another (delicious) man took a liking to her, and pursued the brunette beauty for about six months (of viewing).

JP seemed SO promising- having never been in a relationship, but being a great mate to all, he was considered to be the ultimate good guy.

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While he continually delivered in his attempt to woo Binks, the height of our hopes grew, as Binky very slowly softened her walls.

Like all modern tinder- ships seem to do- Binky and JP got to the stage where they’d out grown the situation-ship and an ultimatum had to be given.

Despite the fear and doubt Binky had about relationships and being rejected/ hurt by JP, she decided (with the extremely ironic guidance of Alex himself who believes she deserves a good guy– LOL) she threw it aside, downed some champers and asked the boi out herself.

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…And do you know what he said???

SOZ, you’ve got too much baggage.

…..

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I was disgusted to say the least, as were the Chelsea sisterhood who put JP firmly in his place.

This is what us humans do!

We JUDGE people on the ways in which OTHERS have treated them, hurt them and the insecurities that have manifested.

We base our perceptions on the company people keep, the places they go and music they like.

For relationship virgins– we assume there’s something wrong, and the same judgement is made about damaged goods.

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The JP & Binky ordeal left me wondering what exactly the perfect criteria for a 20- something bachelor/ bachelorette is…

It seems that love has become a small element of a large list that has been determined by failed experiences and Hollywood illusions. (I’m sure a few mummy/daddy complex’s are mixed in there too)..

-Are we really in tune with ‘that’ connection? or is our view shaded by superficial shit? Do we fall for a person because of who they actually are, or who we think they are or want them to be?

-How many soul mate opportunities are we passing up for easy or safe options?

-Why don’t we listen to our instincts more?

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Over the years, Essex and Chelsea fans have watched girls (and occasionally guys) questions their partners loyalty– sometimes in response to rumours and sometimes solely because of ‘that’ gut feeling. Every single suspicion has been spot on.

I think, that if we paid more attention to our inner shit, so many wrong relationships may be avoided- creating space for the right ones.

[case in point– Binky knew something wasn’t right about  JP, and yet she blanked her feelings in response to her pals pressure].

.. Do y’all seee how much soul searching can manifest from some illegally downloaded reality TV? It has gotta’ be British though, that’s a must 😉

Happy Thursday!

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