Amy Baby

It’s no secret that I can be slightly melo- dramatic, especially when it comes to the feels, or a topic  I am ‘passionate’ about. I was born giving alotta fucks, and luckily, when I started uni six years ago, I found my people- with whom I continue to give ALOT of fucks about ALOT of things, ALOT of the time.

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One of those care- givers is a mate who I share a rather hilarious vibe with- one that doesn’t really require much fertilising or watering at all. We can go months without a message or call- but when her name lights up the old apple, I know I’m about to be taken on a philosophical trip.

There was one particular evening where I initiated a melancholy moment back in the winter however, when our film majors, experiences and fears all kinda collided at once.

I’m not a major film cryer. I feel what I gotsta feel, and always reflect where it’s due. However 20 weeks ago (according to insta) I viewed something that hasn’t really left my conscience. So much so, that I cannot bring myself to watch again and nor can my mate.

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On a miserable winters day I watched the Amy film.

In summary, Amy Winehouse was broken. Firstly by her dad (who abandoned her and her mother), then her own sabotaging behaviour that manifested out of a fight for control and approval. And finally by the media– who gave her attention that she was NOT interesting in whatsoever.

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This is where my second area of study flows in- which has only heightened my realisation that broken is everywhere.

Broken has always existed and it serves a purpose– we need the dark to balance light and we need to break to transform, free, fight etc.

Broken is in songs, movies, books, voices, eyes, body language, yoga mats and wine glasses. It keeps the economoy alive as well as pubs and brothels.

More scarily- It’s in my generation- in the drug epidemic, in masked selfies and naked wardrobes.

This is where it becomes a chicken or egg debate- if we didn’t have platforms to express our shit, would it be there to begin with? are we triggering each others insecurities or making something that wasn’t as bad, amplified? I think it’s a bit of both.

What I do know is that our childhoods really do shape us. That our emotional self is always gonna be our inner child, who we spend our adult years expressing, saving or sabotaging in some way.

#HEAVY I know!

But life is heavy… and light too, it comes down to what we do to balance it all out, how we use our stories and experiences as motivation.. to let go and to love ourselves, and therefore each other.

For Amy, even though she could recognise her #daddyissues, she forever fought for his approval and love, her daddy’s little girl tatt sums up the struggle. We all internalise and respond differently and there is no right or wrong way of doing so.

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We can’t judge each other for our resistance or residence, and we can’t save or fix each other either.

I think this may be why the film hit my friend and I so much- the fact that no one could save Amy, including herself.

This kind of  realisation is not an easy one to fathom, because we have seen loved ones spiral in the same way.

This however is the reality of life– it isn’t always fair and it can be horrible- shit does happen, all the time. All we can do is choose where we put our energy, focus and what we want to manifest.

Having an understanding of the fact that hurt people hurt others, and that our actions are a product of our life script (written by a combo of influences from day one), helps in acceptance too.

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All we can control is our perception, which we can change at any time. Our actions are either determined by love or fear, and it takes courage to choose love.

This post kinda sums up the lesson I have gained this year. 2015 has been about letting go of shit that no longer serves me, whilst acknowledging it’s role in my journey. Letting go isn’t easy but it is so necessary. I only hope that erry one can do so in their own way and time, so that we can embrace the beauty of life.

MERRY XMAS  & Happy Sunday!

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The (bloody) C Word.

As I lay sprawled over my couch swimming in screens, I can’t help but acknowledge how pathetic my state is. How have we got to the stage where laptop on the lap and phone in our hand with about three different chat forums open, and 10 half- hearted convo’s going on, balanced with a few TV glances, is the norm?

Haven’t seen or spoken to someone in six months?  no probs, just shoot them a quick Facebook message and bingo! BFF’S again. Had a heavy argument and have to see them tomorrow?  nothing a bit of  Insta-  love can’t smooth over.  Does anybody else see the pathetic-ness?

While our modern life style may be a tech- savvy, comfortable way to maintain contact while getting shit done, it can be bloody unhealthy. Alright, I know that some cheeky porn (for some), trashy TV and BRILLIANT BLOG READING doesn’t go astray… but you can get a lot of the same enjoyment from living, I like to believe anyway! Not only does it stop us from calling people or sitting down for a legitimate catch up, it feeds the illusion of OPTIONS.

Sex and The City happened to be playing in the background of my Sunday chill fest yesterday. Regardless of whether you can identify with any of the gals, think SJP looks like a horse or that filming in the Middle East made the second film SO RACIST, the complexities and struggles of life, particularly in relation to relationships with our pals and lovers, are very on point.

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Not only does SATC reinforce the importance of nurturing friendships and sticking by ya bros & hos REGARDLESS of their weird life choices (or the shitty mistakes they make in your friendship), it also explores, time and time again, the issue of COMMITMENT. Cue the sigh’s of millions… I HEAR YA!

Before I go any further, I’d like to make it clear that this is not a male issue, I know a lot of girls who magically disappear off the face of the earth when promised some good love and affection. I also know a few boys who would wed tomorrow, even if she aint’ Miranda Kerr.

In my life away from the screen,  I’ve had my fair share of  ‘interactions’ with the opposite sex; enough to have experienced the frustrations of innuendo bingo, the ever convenient labelling lethargy and time management twister (no thesaurus needed).  When I was 14-18, there wasn’t really anywhere my boi- frans could run away to (other than their homelands) and so I guess I was a bit safer. However, now that us 20-something’s have the world at our feet (apparently) everything is a bit more complicated.

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There are two main issues when it comes to commitment: FEAR of MISSING OUT (FOMO) and FEAR OF REJECTION/ HEART BREAK.

” Being famous on Instagram is like being rich in Monopoly”

While I can see the positives of social media, I reckon our obsession with it has something to do with this FOMO phenomenon. Functioning as a virtual record of every social interaction that enhances our status and popularity, Facebook, Snapchat and Instagram competition gives us little opportunity to keep our lives private (particularly from the friends kept off the guest list) because we have to remind our audience of how vitally great our lives are.

(Reminding your ex of what they’re missing doesn’t go unconsidered either, letssss be honest!).

“The grass is greener where you water it”

The FOMO also translates into the options we have to determine what and whether we study, work, make and save money, travel, where we live. The net takes the cocktail of options to a new level, particularly when it comes to meeting people and dating. For people who struggle to commit, particularly because there may just be someone/somewhere  better, Tinder and okCupid may just be enhancing the issue. The problem with avoiding commitment, among others is that nothing will be learnt from it, about what we do or don’t want, ourselves, love and relationships.


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I know what it is like to be hurt and rejected, its horrible. The only thing that has balanced out those experiences is the loving relationships I’ve had with boy and girls, young and old. If I had closed myself off and become a sour grape, I may have lived a sad and empty life. While I am a massive advocate of self- love and discovery and definitely float around in my own world, no matter where I travel to, whom I meet or how I spend my time or money, nothing provides the satisfaction that a big dose of human bonding does.

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We never know anyone’s full story or the reasons they have certain defences or walls, and they are valid. Also, the search for love isn’t easy, finding a soul that grooves with ours is rare (you never know until you try though!).

I just reckon, that if we shifted our focus from our screens more often, expanded our circles and TOOK SOME CHANCES, we might have a better chance of finding our desired Channing and Miranda replicas. Even if we don’t, the journey can be a lot more fun and full of experiences, than the headache and numb ass I now have from sitting here writing this.

Lets go open doors!

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Shut Up and Listen!

“We only really see (or hear) what we want to/ are ready to accept”.

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We humans are funny creatures. We pick and choose relationships based on a range of conscious and sub conscious factors that enhance and sabotage our lives. I could go on about the factors that determine the reasons we do/ do not like others for years, but I’ll leave that for my psych articles. Put simply, we are attracted to people we can ‘relate’ to- those with whom we have shared ways of thinking and doing.

As we know, everyone is different, we are each a completely unique machine, made up of our own biological and environmentally constructed factors, which then influence our life experiences. It seems silly then, to think that we could possibly expect to agree with other people 100 per cent of the time.

This is the major underlying issue with relationships though, we get hurt and effected by the decisions, behaviour and words of other machines, ones that we CAN NOT CONTROL. I have learnt however, (through a lot of trial and error!) that we can choose the way we perceive the information projected onto us, and the way we respond to it.

I had a little convo with a friend the other night who shares the belief that it is in our own best interest to not take ANYTHING personally. For years I over analysed the actions of others, questioning ‘why they would do that?’ ‘What did I do wrong? ‘”Why me’ and the ridiculous cycle lead me nowhere and ate me up. This way of thinking is not only detrimental to our well- being, it can send us crazy because, as I said, we don’t live inside any other machine and therefore may never know or understand why she stopped talking to you or why he felt the need to cheat.

There is one particular shift I have made, that has improved the quality of my relationships and my happiness in general. I have learnt to listen to respond rather than react.

When we receive info, we automatically filter it with our own views, beliefs and experiences. We then form a judgment and open our mouths ready to provide it, sometimes too early. Additionally, if we feel somewhat threatened by the info and the way the person presented it, we can become defensive, and respond in a way that feeds our ego rather than each other’s confidence and self- growth.

For example, if I was on a date and the potential flame had caught up with their ex- partner and stated that they looked good and seemed happy, if I happened to be having an ‘ugly’ day and woke up with a pimple on my nose, I may be more effected by the information, and therefore snap, withdraw or reconsider the potential of a relationship. If however I had been to yoga and was feeling great in myself, I may be happy that my ‘friend’ is not hated by their ex. Also, my relationships with my ex’s would also influence whether I like the idea, and therefore how I react.

Letting someone speak instead of butting in or re- directing the convo, or piping up, helps everyone! When we feel heard we are more open to hearing others (funny that!) and so conversations and relationships function better. This of course has to be reciprocated.

A wise person once asked me what the point of maintaining relationships where we don’t feel heard or appreciated was. After finding little reason to keep ‘blood suckers’ in my life, I re- prioritized my friendships. As a big giver, it was important for me to learn that peoples issues are not my responsibility, and that I deserve equal appreciation.

Remembering that people’s shit has little to do with us, and that there is little we can to do change it, other than monitor the way we receive it, is also helpful.

When something ruffles our feathers, is does also say a lot about the stuff WE are made up of, and therefore is important info we can learn from. Observing my internal (and external) responses to info is a fun process I have practiced for a while. The next time something makes you feel uneasy, frustrated, angry or sad, question what the information means for you? what does it say about you as a person and how does it affect your life and value as a human being? this shit can be life changing.

Until we have gained the full lesson from a situation, it will continue to pop up. As the featured quote states, we choose to accept particular knowledge when we are ready to hear it. It helps to remember this when considering the actions, motives and progression of others… we all live different lives. Every situation or encounter we find ourselves in is a test/ learning opportunity. Seize that shit and grow! It makes life a lot more fun, rather than repeating the same unhelpful mistakes!

We don’t always have to agree to get along or respect each other. Of course, life can seem simpler in words, and when our hearts are hurt it is only natural to defend ourselves. We have to choose our battles, and most importantly, choose the behaviour that will best serve ourselves in the long run. This doesn’t include hurting the threatening other or gaining revenge. We always have a choice in how we respond. It helps to remember that everyone is flawed and could be battling something big.

The most important person in our lives however, is OURSELVES. Once I learnt my worth, I became a much happier person.