You Sound Like You’re From London!


“WHERE ARE YOU FROM?”

-It’s a question I get asked on the reg, in different forms, across all kinda contexts.

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Perception is a funny thing- from ‘white chocolate’ to Albanian, I’ve gotten it all, and it’s cool; I’m all about multiculturalism- especially when my friends adopt me as part of their ethnic crews.

However, no matter how much sangria I consume, curry I devour or Italian stallions I drool over, there’s a tiny fact that only a few of my pals have been able to identify.

Apart from the frequent “you sound like you’re from London” observation from strangers, the degree to which I’m a MASSIVE Brit/ POM at heart has gone unnoticed.

While my undying love for London town, including Harry & Wills; my besties that feel the need to reside there (as well as it’s ridiculously close proximity to Italia and olay- town) is no secret, there is something else that fuels my bond with the motherland…

And that is… British TV. (DON’T JUDGE!)

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I started young, with late night viewings of the BILL and the Vicar of Dibley, and progressed to AB FAB (which could explain a lot about my adulthood).

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The love matured however when I discovered TOWIE and Made in Chelsea, and it continues to flourish as I navigate my way through the early years of adulthood, stumbling and (hopefully) growing along side Louise & Spenny.

There is something comforting about watching people of a similar age making the same fuck- ups, being slapped in the face by the same lessons and experiencing just as much confusion and disillusion (and of course oodles of fun).

The bond between the viewers and the botoxed beauties is one that cannot be explained, it is felt across oceans and screens.

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It is developed, not through the piss ups and overt vanity, but in the vulnerability and hurt that is felt and shown, especially in relationships (/ failed attempts at that love thang).

There is one particular gal that I want to fly over and cuddle. Up until the last ep of Made in Chelsea, poor Binky has been bloody unlucky in love. Not because she’s a dud, but because people can be A-holes.

After being repeatedly cheated on by a dickhead named Alex, Binks took her time to heal.

During this time, another (delicious) man took a liking to her, and pursued the brunette beauty for about six months (of viewing).

JP seemed SO promising- having never been in a relationship, but being a great mate to all, he was considered to be the ultimate good guy.

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While he continually delivered in his attempt to woo Binks, the height of our hopes grew, as Binky very slowly softened her walls.

Like all modern tinder- ships seem to do- Binky and JP got to the stage where they’d out grown the situation-ship and an ultimatum had to be given.

Despite the fear and doubt Binky had about relationships and being rejected/ hurt by JP, she decided (with the extremely ironic guidance of Alex himself who believes she deserves a good guy– LOL) she threw it aside, downed some champers and asked the boi out herself.

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…And do you know what he said???

SOZ, you’ve got too much baggage.

…..

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I was disgusted to say the least, as were the Chelsea sisterhood who put JP firmly in his place.

This is what us humans do!

We JUDGE people on the ways in which OTHERS have treated them, hurt them and the insecurities that have manifested.

We base our perceptions on the company people keep, the places they go and music they like.

For relationship virgins– we assume there’s something wrong, and the same judgement is made about damaged goods.

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The JP & Binky ordeal left me wondering what exactly the perfect criteria for a 20- something bachelor/ bachelorette is…

It seems that love has become a small element of a large list that has been determined by failed experiences and Hollywood illusions. (I’m sure a few mummy/daddy complex’s are mixed in there too)..

-Are we really in tune with ‘that’ connection? or is our view shaded by superficial shit? Do we fall for a person because of who they actually are, or who we think they are or want them to be?

-How many soul mate opportunities are we passing up for easy or safe options?

-Why don’t we listen to our instincts more?

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Over the years, Essex and Chelsea fans have watched girls (and occasionally guys) questions their partners loyalty– sometimes in response to rumours and sometimes solely because of ‘that’ gut feeling. Every single suspicion has been spot on.

I think, that if we paid more attention to our inner shit, so many wrong relationships may be avoided- creating space for the right ones.

[case in point– Binky knew something wasn’t right about  JP, and yet she blanked her feelings in response to her pals pressure].

.. Do y’all seee how much soul searching can manifest from some illegally downloaded reality TV? It has gotta’ be British though, that’s a must 😉

Happy Thursday!

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Swim Suit Sabotage

“Doubt surrounding whether we were beach ready was quickly forgotten however, when we entered the Seafolly haven of bright colours, barely- there brazillian style genital cages, mixed in with fuller briefs and one pieces that seem to be missing parts. All in the name of fashion, right?”

Alternative Thoughts

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Last Saturday my friend and I went shopping. Considering summer is rapidly approaching, bathers were silently placed at the top of the list.

I say silently because, between us, the particular time of the month we visited, pizza and vino consumption from the night before, lack of waxing and a full time job/ disgusting university assignments deemed us less than cover shoot ready. According to ourselves anyway.

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Doubt surrounding whether we were beach ready was quickly forgotten however, when we entered the Seafolly haven of bright colours, barely- there brazillian style genital cages, mixed in with fuller briefs and one pieces that seem to be missing parts. All in the name of farrrsharn, right?

Despite the scary thought of being caught in a rip in the majority of pieces, I was rather impressed with the brands latest range. It was not until I had both arms stacked…

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5 Sexy Talks Worth Watching

In the spirit of valentines day… a look at how and why the porn industry needs a makeover. watch the talks!

TED Blog

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You might not think TED has anything to do with Fifty Shades of Grey. We didn’t either. Until we woke up this morning to find ourselves called out in The New Yorker’s scathing review of the movie: “You get dirtier talk in most action movies, and more genitalia in a TED talk on Renaissance sculpture.”

So just for fun, we thought we’d see how racy our talks can get. And it turns out, VERY.

Here, our favorite TED and TEDx Talks with more frank talk than the watered-down movie version of Fifty Shades of Grey:

1. What we didn’t know about penis anatomy. A scientist explains how guys get it up — biologically speaking. It’s graphic enough to make you blush, and you’ll hear two words that should never go together: penis and cross-section.

2. The birds and the bees are just the beginning. A parade…

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Lose the ‘tude.

Okay, you’re going to have to excuse me. I’m finally on uni break so my brain function is limited, which combined with the country air, beach runs, vino consumption and morning yoga, has sent me into a light coma. The happy- land daze has worked its magic; putting shit in perspective, making it really hard to be negative.

Being neggy actually isn’t fun at all. It takes energy to hate, judge, bitch, assume and participate in the rumour mill. But when we are stressed we can easily get caught up in it, particularly when we feel shitty about ourselves, our life, jobs, acquaintances and relationships. Especially when we feel small, incapable or threatened. image Stupidly, we project our self- ridicule, judgment and insecurities onto each other, in an attempt to feel better about ourselves, or to entertain.

With the daily bulletins constantly reminding us of the shocking and scary happenings of the world, it’s not always easy to smell the roses, or to not feel guilty when trying to. Mainstream media platforms are experts at making us feel extra shitty, fearful and inadequate, to ensure they maintain power.

As well as promoting the capitalist, secular (not to mention sexist, racist and xenophobic) views of the corporations funding them, the only ‘new idea’ or ‘good medicine‘ that is reinforced is the skill of scrutiny. image Last week we had the WAG parades in Australia- the awards nights that celebrate the achievements of AFL and NRL football players.

Now I’m all for a bit of glitz & glam, and I can appreciate sexiness and beauty- as y’all know; I’m all about that base.

What I am NOT about, is measuring strangers waist sizes, boob to ass ratio or eye brow contouring, or rating them on a scale, mainly because I don’t fucking know them. Also because they are not a piece of meat.

In saying this, it was when I was watching the recent interview with the first (former) female prime minister of OZ a few days ago, that I remembered just how hurtful and damaging scrutiny can be. image I was never a fan of Julia Gillard– her political bandwagon, her argumentative approach, her suites or her waddle. Her accent is on another level. I often joined in on the JG hate train, ‘coz ya know, I’ve run a country so I know better! [We all know I’d be kicked out and locked up in the first week of office for swearing in parliament.]

Of all the anecdotes she told, mistakes she owned and resilience she showed in response to the bullshit said about her private life, (in the interview) there were two main points that stood out for me.

The first was Julia’s recollection of the hourly phone calls her assistant received from (bored and pathetic) members of the public who disapproved of the necklace, earrings, skirt or hair- style she was last seen sporting. WTF!

The OTHER part that stood out to me was Gillard’s reliance on her daily YOGA practice and workout regime. imageIn battling the nation wide hate brigade, Julia resorted to the down ward dog, like I do, to fight her natural urge to retaliate. While the pressures did get the better of her, (understandably) Gillard can now draw a link between the ridicule and her defensive actions.

This is the type of realization that comes when we are forced to STOP, breathe, move and reflect. Not only was it exciting to hear that JG isn’t afraid of viewing life from different angles, {being the counseling student that I am}, it was comforting to know that someone whose been subjected to a lot of lows (amongst highs) has reaped the benefits of yoga.

“What others think of me is none of my business”

I drink, swear and love a good steak. I’m not a stereotypical yogini, but I practice it regularly. I do it for my head- to clear it,  let go of shit that doesn’t serve my life, and accept what I cannot control (like others perceptions).

Turning the focus INWARD not only teachers us about who we REALLY are rather than what we are trying/ told to be, it turns it off others. image Yoga helps us to accept and love ourselves, while accepting the different stages we may be at or challenges we might have. I wish I could tell you EXACTLY how it works, but all I’ve figured out is that the marriage of philosophy, sweat, stretching, releasing and ‘omming’ works absolute wonders for the mind body and soul. And you know the best part? it kills our super-ego– forcing us to lose the ‘tude and be nicer people to be around.

I encourage y’all to try it out, or at least go for a nice walk and smell the roses.   image

I Assume You’re An Idiot !

 

‘Mila Kunis is getting nervous about the birth of her child’.

WOW! how fricken’ shocking. Assuming a heavily pregnant first time mother is less- than confident about pushing a human out of her vagina (or being cut open) isn’t exactly rocket science. Despite the highly predictable nature of the statement though, THE WORDS NEVER CAME OUT OF THE GIRLS MOUTH.

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There are a shit load of assumptions that, like the Mila Kunis one, bombard our lives daily. While the media is responsible for constructing ALOT of crap that spreads like swine flu, we (being the destructive humans we are) digest, construct and spread a ridiculous amount of rubbish that not only affects our OWN wellbeing, can be poisonous for others.

As the news of Robin Williams’ suspected suicide broke, my feed was swamped with tributes from people who knew nothing about him, other than the fictional characters he played in Hollywood films. Most articles and images seemed to allude to the same question though: how could someone who seemed so happy, caring and obviously successful want to end their life?

The answer in short, is mental illness. The fact of the matter is however, that NO ONE (on my feed anyway) knew him at all. And while his close friends and family have probably seen many different sides to him (surprise!) there’s probably a load a stuff he rarely shared with anyone.. like the rest of us.

This assumption of ‘having it all’  is a fascinating one, that really pisses me off. 

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A few weeks ago, Sydney sider Harriet Wran; who happens to be the daughter of an extremely wealthy politician and goddaughter of Aussie billionaire Kerry Packer, was arrested for the alleged murder and stabbing of two men. Despite the fact the girl lost her father in April and has since relapsed into an ice addiction, the articles were titled “She Seemed To Have It All”  and the question as to why a wealthy, privileged, attractive young girl needs to use drugs and perform such crimes, underpinned all media discussions.

Firstly, drugs do not discriminate. There are many factors that lead to drug addiction, I highly doubt Harriet is proud of hers. Secondly, the belief that money and elite-ness  bring  happiness, content and mental stability is complete bullshit!! Thirdly, we all have a right to NOT be OKAY, regardless of how glossy our lives may seem to outsiders!

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Of course, assumptions and  stereotyping are experienced across the board. My friend was only telling me last week of how frustrated she feels by the “why would you live there?” and “isn’t it full of criminals out there?” questioning she frequently receives when disclosing her residential address, and I could see the anger and hurt on her face. Similarly, my Indigenous friend said that the belief that his people are all alcoholics and untrustworthy has led his family and friends down destructive paths, highlighting the effects of assumptions once again.

I too make assumptions, I’m only human after all. we all assume shit every single day, sometimes without realising that linking an overweight person with laziness or skinny people with an image obsession is actually unfair.

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Facebook and #Instagram are some of the biggest causes of self- sabotage, usually fuelled by the conclusions we draw from the tiny snap shots of relationships and social lives our friends share. I doubt Sally looks that hot after two hours of sleep and 10 shots of Tequila, or that Tom is ALWAYS smiling and laughing every second he’s around his new squeeze (and family!).

I wish we could be more realistic when drawing conclusions about the lives of others, and remember that we don’t always  know much at all when it comes to each others minds and experiences.

 

Rant over!