Tis’ The Season For Tear Cut Commentary!

Follows the brag attack of V DAY, This ol’ gem sprung to mind…

Alternative Thoughts

As the champers flowed, laughs got louder and day got warmer/ colder, recent christmas festivities were enjoyed by many generations of people surrounded by our loved ones.

To much of grandma’s delight, this meant that some of us were putting our phones down and actually engaging with the fam, at least to devour some turkey.

Luckily, the breaks between meals (formerly used for siestas) provided a window for a quick scroll through the thousands of selfie stick captures (mine included) many of which featured awkward uncles and dorky jumpers (so wild!).

Having spent less time in cyber space, my toilet entertainment also involved a flood of #heputaringonit & #taken announcements.

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Apparently it was also the season for knee bending – celebrated of course with a perfectly filtered and framed close up of #THERING!!!!!!!!!

Now to be honest, my childhood dreams rarely featured a virgin-white dress and sexy stallion, the idea…

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#Gramspam

lady gaga

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=wQdcCiVb59g

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

I spent a lot of my holidays with my brain and phone off, which was rather delicious. During the coconut & colada reclining sesh, I did however view the above video.

Being a (former) Gaga skeptic, I planned to dedicate approx five minutes of my demanding schedule to the ‘clown’ – who quickly slapped my ignorance in the face with absolute brilliance.

For once I am not going to impose my opinions on y’all- instead I’ve decided to leave the link to the hour long interview here, for leisurely viewing.

The video perfectly articulates my views on social media and mental health/ illness– SO, SO ELOQUENTLY.

As the techno slaves we are swiftly becoming, It’s more important than ever to gain some control over the shit that now determines our moods.

So, I thought I would use this platform to lightly suggest some worthy Gram follows.

(Randomly) listed below are some of the accounts that keep me #stable, #happy, #inspired and #LOLing through this thang’ called life, in 2016!

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Swim Suit Sabotage

“Doubt surrounding whether we were beach ready was quickly forgotten however, when we entered the Seafolly haven of bright colours, barely- there brazillian style genital cages, mixed in with fuller briefs and one pieces that seem to be missing parts. All in the name of fashion, right?”

Alternative Thoughts

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Last Saturday my friend and I went shopping. Considering summer is rapidly approaching, bathers were silently placed at the top of the list.

I say silently because, between us, the particular time of the month we visited, pizza and vino consumption from the night before, lack of waxing and a full time job/ disgusting university assignments deemed us less than cover shoot ready. According to ourselves anyway.

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Doubt surrounding whether we were beach ready was quickly forgotten however, when we entered the Seafolly haven of bright colours, barely- there brazillian style genital cages, mixed in with fuller briefs and one pieces that seem to be missing parts. All in the name of farrrsharn, right?

Despite the scary thought of being caught in a rip in the majority of pieces, I was rather impressed with the brands latest range. It was not until I had both arms stacked…

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A Lumpy Liberation

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Breaking News Ya’ll! A lady and her lumps have graced news headlines once more, encouraging us to celebrate as if we have found a cure for cancer, and gawk over the plus sized achievement.

As suggested by previous posts, my position on the body image campaign aint’ exactly a secret.

However, while Sports Illustrated’s decision did encourage a carb-athon ,and the healthy cover girl is indeed a positive movement, I can not help but feel cynical.

I mean… REALLY? it is 2015 and we (an educated, liberated, open-minded western civilisation, apparently) are celebrating a shift from underweight, extremely hungry representations of femininity as if scientists have discovered a new gender…

HOW IS THIS EVEN A THING?

As highlighted in the clip below, it is not our body shapes that have changed over time, it’s societies ideal image of the female figure (cheers). Having spent a long summer beaching, the wonderfully wide spectrum on which our body shapes vary is as obvious and present as ever, thankfully.

 

While the rig- rating panels will probably always exist, on personal and global levels, it seems as though there is a tug of war going on.

In a nutshell; curvy ladies are skinny shaming, and many plus size women are being slammed for being ‘bigger’ and ‘larger’ than the #norm.

It is not wonder then, that the issue of [Women’s] liberation, is rather confusing.

The age old question of whether women do certain things like breathe, dress [or pose semi naked on the cover of Sports Illustrated] for themselves or men, arose while I was wrapped around a pole and humping walls on Friday night.

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One of my gal pals decided to dive through our feminist layers and release our inner sexual beasts for her birthday, and I of course I am not one to refuse such an invite!

After wrapping our minds and arses around the basic sequences, it was easy to see just how much full body strength is required to perform on a pole, and also how achievable and liberating it can be!

As we crawled around slapping each others bums and coordinated our moves to Chicago, the hysterical laughter expressed just how much feather bower fun we were having, as we focused on nothing other than ourselves for the hour.

It was not until the lap dancing lesson (two champas & hours in) that I started to question whether or not I felt liberated or objectified.

Using chairs as props, we were encouraged to visualise our lovers seated with their legs opened after we had opened and straddled them (LOL).

As I tried to execute the moves while watching my friends in all their glory, I was also debating whether I felt empowered or as if I was being trained to entertain the Hugh Heifer’s of the world.

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When the Sports Illustrated news broke, I couldn’t help but notice the mixed commentary offered by random men and women who seemed to hold very strong opinions on the models body. This just communicated more over, how warped, conflicted and damaged our societies attitudes towards #body image; #empowerment/ #liberation, #sexism and #feminism are.

(WATCH IT!)

I would like to finish with a TED talk from an incredibly inspiring AUSTRALIAN woman who was a victim of her mother’s interpretation of femininity, empowerment and human rights. While female genital mutation is on another level of seriousness than verbal/ written objectification and bullying, all of these issues allude to a gap.

There seems to be a river dividing the western idealistic equal gendered, fully liberated, non judgemental and non sexist island many of us intend to live on, and the troubled reality we are currently swimming in.

I propose that we build some poles and swing along to the other side… Maybe then we will freely embrace our animal instincts, no matter our size!

Happy Wednesday !

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Tis’ The Season For Tear Cut Commentary!

As the champers flowed, laughs got louder and day got warmer/ colder, recent christmas festivities were enjoyed by many generations of people surrounded by our loved ones.

To much of grandma’s delight, this meant that some of us were putting our phones down and actually engaging with the fam, at least to devour some turkey.

Luckily, the breaks between meals (formerly used for siestas) provided a window for a quick scroll through the thousands of selfie stick captures (mine included) many of which featured awkward uncles and dorky jumpers (so wild!).

Having spent less time in cyber space, my toilet entertainment also involved a flood of #heputaringonit & #taken announcements.

timthumb.php

Apparently it was also the season for knee bending – celebrated of course with a perfectly filtered and framed close up of #THERING!!!!!!!!!

Now to be honest, my childhood dreams rarely featured a virgin-white dress and sexy stallion, the idea of prancing down a church aisle to shit- sounding organs seemed as appealing as homework and Brussel sprouts.

I don’t reject the idea of marriage- committing myself to some one I love and having the same promised to me #4eva is a thought I’ve entertained on occasion (I do love love after all).

I just think that the blissful event can be blown out of control, particularly when thousands of dollars are wasted on feeding hated relatives.

Much to my mothers disgust, there’s something else that also seems irrelevant to me. Actually to be honest, it really does my head in. And that is: ring talk.

If i was to psycho- anaylze myself- I would probably reference my time spent working in retail in a rather affluent suburb as the initial cause of my frustrations.

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While the witnessing of old men taking their old wrinkly wife shopping one day, and their young model the next was sickening in itself, it was the mini mountains that encased the long bronzed perfectly manicured fingers of many customers and the convos shared between customers themselves and with my colleagues, which lead to many toilet breaks.

“Ohhh stunnnnningggg”

“DEVINEEEEE”

“EXQUISITE”

“He must really love you!”

“You’re a lucky girl”

“Is that a __ (insert exclusive Italian jewler name here) ?”

” 7 or 10 carrats? ”

[WITHOUT A HELLO, HOW ARE YOU?]

… you get the gist.

Now, I know that many reading will be thinking “you’ve never been engaged/ married so who are you to judge?” #jelly #hatersgonhate etc etc. And rightly so!

To be fair though, I do have an appreciation for beautiful jewellery including diamonds, even if they aren’t my best friend. I can also understand the significance of wedding bands, as well as the buzz of emotion that love and commitment brings (and therefore need to share it virtually).

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I just don’t think the size and quality of a rock has ANYTHING to do with the union it symbolises. More so, a massive rock aint no band-aid for a shitty relationship either (ask the shrinks).

However, many people seem to think so, and of course, the media don’t help.

A few Fridays before santa came to town I was sipping on some yummy vino at Friday dranks in the city. I was sat next to a friend of a friend who had tagged along, providing much entertainment as she gushed about her past and present (3 month) relationships, and the exact details of the ring her boi knows she wants.

“Bless her”, I thought.

That was until she had another glass and starting digging into a colleague she felt had betrayed her, by the way she had portrayed her marital bliss and the amazing ring that symbolised it.

You see, the girl had been lead to expect a solid rock, and was left speech less when the colleague  returned from her honey moon.

“It’s a piece of shit! so small! why would she say it was nice?” the bitch then proceeded to laugh for too long.

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Sadly, such thoughts and comments infect the feeds of loved up instagrammers, particularly those with a famous profile.

While I was getting my nails done in the local Vietnamese parlour today, the usual silence of the  place was contrasted by the up roar of opinions provided by staff and clients in response to Jesinta Campbell’s new bling in a clients magazine. I bit my tongue heavily as the private relationship AND RING was scrutinised.

So… I guess it is everywhere. Thanks to the naughty Daily Mail columns, many of us have been programmed to pay unhealthy attention to women’s boobs, arses and guts, and to measure their value by their bling bling.

I’ve said it before and I will say it again. This is fucked up and needs to change.

One’s marital status, and the presence/ state of their ring has nothing to do with their value as a human being.

Maybe I will marry a jeweller in a Catholic church and regret every word of this, but until then I will continue to avoid every ring- focused convo.

Happy New Years!

 

 

 

 

The (bloody) C Word.

As I lay sprawled over my couch swimming in screens, I can’t help but acknowledge how pathetic my state is. How have we got to the stage where laptop on the lap and phone in our hand with about three different chat forums open, and 10 half- hearted convo’s going on, balanced with a few TV glances, is the norm?

Haven’t seen or spoken to someone in six months?  no probs, just shoot them a quick Facebook message and bingo! BFF’S again. Had a heavy argument and have to see them tomorrow?  nothing a bit of  Insta-  love can’t smooth over.  Does anybody else see the pathetic-ness?

While our modern life style may be a tech- savvy, comfortable way to maintain contact while getting shit done, it can be bloody unhealthy. Alright, I know that some cheeky porn (for some), trashy TV and BRILLIANT BLOG READING doesn’t go astray… but you can get a lot of the same enjoyment from living, I like to believe anyway! Not only does it stop us from calling people or sitting down for a legitimate catch up, it feeds the illusion of OPTIONS.

Sex and The City happened to be playing in the background of my Sunday chill fest yesterday. Regardless of whether you can identify with any of the gals, think SJP looks like a horse or that filming in the Middle East made the second film SO RACIST, the complexities and struggles of life, particularly in relation to relationships with our pals and lovers, are very on point.

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Not only does SATC reinforce the importance of nurturing friendships and sticking by ya bros & hos REGARDLESS of their weird life choices (or the shitty mistakes they make in your friendship), it also explores, time and time again, the issue of COMMITMENT. Cue the sigh’s of millions… I HEAR YA!

Before I go any further, I’d like to make it clear that this is not a male issue, I know a lot of girls who magically disappear off the face of the earth when promised some good love and affection. I also know a few boys who would wed tomorrow, even if she aint’ Miranda Kerr.

In my life away from the screen,  I’ve had my fair share of  ‘interactions’ with the opposite sex; enough to have experienced the frustrations of innuendo bingo, the ever convenient labelling lethargy and time management twister (no thesaurus needed).  When I was 14-18, there wasn’t really anywhere my boi- frans could run away to (other than their homelands) and so I guess I was a bit safer. However, now that us 20-something’s have the world at our feet (apparently) everything is a bit more complicated.

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There are two main issues when it comes to commitment: FEAR of MISSING OUT (FOMO) and FEAR OF REJECTION/ HEART BREAK.

” Being famous on Instagram is like being rich in Monopoly”

While I can see the positives of social media, I reckon our obsession with it has something to do with this FOMO phenomenon. Functioning as a virtual record of every social interaction that enhances our status and popularity, Facebook, Snapchat and Instagram competition gives us little opportunity to keep our lives private (particularly from the friends kept off the guest list) because we have to remind our audience of how vitally great our lives are.

(Reminding your ex of what they’re missing doesn’t go unconsidered either, letssss be honest!).

“The grass is greener where you water it”

The FOMO also translates into the options we have to determine what and whether we study, work, make and save money, travel, where we live. The net takes the cocktail of options to a new level, particularly when it comes to meeting people and dating. For people who struggle to commit, particularly because there may just be someone/somewhere  better, Tinder and okCupid may just be enhancing the issue. The problem with avoiding commitment, among others is that nothing will be learnt from it, about what we do or don’t want, ourselves, love and relationships.


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I know what it is like to be hurt and rejected, its horrible. The only thing that has balanced out those experiences is the loving relationships I’ve had with boy and girls, young and old. If I had closed myself off and become a sour grape, I may have lived a sad and empty life. While I am a massive advocate of self- love and discovery and definitely float around in my own world, no matter where I travel to, whom I meet or how I spend my time or money, nothing provides the satisfaction that a big dose of human bonding does.

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We never know anyone’s full story or the reasons they have certain defences or walls, and they are valid. Also, the search for love isn’t easy, finding a soul that grooves with ours is rare (you never know until you try though!).

I just reckon, that if we shifted our focus from our screens more often, expanded our circles and TOOK SOME CHANCES, we might have a better chance of finding our desired Channing and Miranda replicas. Even if we don’t, the journey can be a lot more fun and full of experiences, than the headache and numb ass I now have from sitting here writing this.

Lets go open doors!

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