Menstrual Mayhem

…Because menstruation HAPPENS!
” While I’ve never felt ashamed to mention my period, or to whine and mope around in front of anyone, I am often surprised to receive more empathy and care from the bastards who weren’t born with a baby making machine, compared to those who do bleed regularly…”

Alternative Thoughts

10957990_10155178593180182_585274568_nThere is a subject that I often ponder discussing, usually around the end of each month.

While a particular friend of mine repeatedly encourages me to  go all out on the oh so (somehow) controversially taboo topic, I have remained reluctant.

It wasn’t until I was reading the legendary Lena Dunham’s ‘Not That Kind of Girl’ book, that I identified exactly what was holding me back.

The title of the book encapsulates my struggle perfectly- I could not fathom the thought of y’all perceiving me as typical female who dramatically complains about the agony that is: menstruation.

But guess what?? I am a girl. I am often dramatic. Once a month I lay an egg and it’s the fucking pits. I HATE EVERY SECOND OF IT.

warrior-princess

EVERY single part of the stereotype I fulfil, from the moody weeks before Aunt Flow arrives, involving hot sweats, irrational outbursts…

View original post 593 more words

Advertisements

Amy Baby

It’s no secret that I can be slightly melo- dramatic, especially when it comes to the feels, or a topic  I am ‘passionate’ about. I was born giving alotta fucks, and luckily, when I started uni six years ago, I found my people- with whom I continue to give ALOT of fucks about ALOT of things, ALOT of the time.

12380410_10156338378820182_1997003350_n

One of those care- givers is a mate who I share a rather hilarious vibe with- one that doesn’t really require much fertilising or watering at all. We can go months without a message or call- but when her name lights up the old apple, I know I’m about to be taken on a philosophical trip.

There was one particular evening where I initiated a melancholy moment back in the winter however, when our film majors, experiences and fears all kinda collided at once.

I’m not a major film cryer. I feel what I gotsta feel, and always reflect where it’s due. However 20 weeks ago (according to insta) I viewed something that hasn’t really left my conscience. So much so, that I cannot bring myself to watch again and nor can my mate.

12083797_10156338377510182_853150047_n

On a miserable winters day I watched the Amy film.

In summary, Amy Winehouse was broken. Firstly by her dad (who abandoned her and her mother), then her own sabotaging behaviour that manifested out of a fight for control and approval. And finally by the media– who gave her attention that she was NOT interesting in whatsoever.

12358148_10156338377495182_583100654_n

This is where my second area of study flows in- which has only heightened my realisation that broken is everywhere.

Broken has always existed and it serves a purpose– we need the dark to balance light and we need to break to transform, free, fight etc.

Broken is in songs, movies, books, voices, eyes, body language, yoga mats and wine glasses. It keeps the economoy alive as well as pubs and brothels.

More scarily- It’s in my generation- in the drug epidemic, in masked selfies and naked wardrobes.

This is where it becomes a chicken or egg debate- if we didn’t have platforms to express our shit, would it be there to begin with? are we triggering each others insecurities or making something that wasn’t as bad, amplified? I think it’s a bit of both.

What I do know is that our childhoods really do shape us. That our emotional self is always gonna be our inner child, who we spend our adult years expressing, saving or sabotaging in some way.

#HEAVY I know!

But life is heavy… and light too, it comes down to what we do to balance it all out, how we use our stories and experiences as motivation.. to let go and to love ourselves, and therefore each other.

For Amy, even though she could recognise her #daddyissues, she forever fought for his approval and love, her daddy’s little girl tatt sums up the struggle. We all internalise and respond differently and there is no right or wrong way of doing so.

12357957_10156338382225182_1938993386_n

We can’t judge each other for our resistance or residence, and we can’t save or fix each other either.

I think this may be why the film hit my friend and I so much- the fact that no one could save Amy, including herself.

This kind of  realisation is not an easy one to fathom, because we have seen loved ones spiral in the same way.

This however is the reality of life– it isn’t always fair and it can be horrible- shit does happen, all the time. All we can do is choose where we put our energy, focus and what we want to manifest.

Having an understanding of the fact that hurt people hurt others, and that our actions are a product of our life script (written by a combo of influences from day one), helps in acceptance too.

12358517_10156338377600182_259270332_n

All we can control is our perception, which we can change at any time. Our actions are either determined by love or fear, and it takes courage to choose love.

This post kinda sums up the lesson I have gained this year. 2015 has been about letting go of shit that no longer serves me, whilst acknowledging it’s role in my journey. Letting go isn’t easy but it is so necessary. I only hope that erry one can do so in their own way and time, so that we can embrace the beauty of life.

MERRY XMAS  & Happy Sunday!

12388004_10156338359855182_1734812698_n

 

 

 

 

Sex, Love & Kale

August marked a year since I first challenged my ego and risked my angelic reputation by publicly word vomiting my opinions onto WordPress.com !

While a few pals had been pushing me to do something with my communications degree (other than practise my stalking/ investigative skills) for a while, it took a hung- dog Saturday morning state to fuel my oh- so feminist outburst about trolling, body shaming & the mighty media in general.

And ever since I slammed the lappy screen shut in a hot ball of anxiety, I have been overwhelmed and pleasantly surprised by the variety of respondents and responses to my overtly opinionated alternative thoughts!

imagesCAJYV6FZ

Being the overly analytical psych student that I am, the degree to which I froth while monitoring the many ways in which my words trigger reactions is barely surprising. What is kinda interesting however, is that amount of curiosity many of y’all seem to have also.

images

So… I thought I would follow in the wise and wonderful footsteps of a good friend who, on every birthday, takes it upon himself to educate the FB world on the shit he’s learnt over the past 12 months of life.

Now, before you close the tab at the fear of a self indulgent exploration of my personal development and Ghandi-like enlightenment, CHILL. This aint’ alllll about me (there are elements, though #sorrynotsorry).

To keep your interest and ‘up’ my following, I have compiled 3 easy to follow, insightful and (hopefully) LOL- worthy lists for the sticky beak in all of us:

What YOU (readers/ stalkers/ feed backers) LIKE: 

  • HONESTY

Regardless of the topic, the dirtier/ grittier and rawer the writing, the richer the response (surprise!)

As a slightly blunt and opinionated person, I have been conscious of being ‘balanced’ and ‘controlled’ in my views, in an attempt to avoid criticism/ offending the softer petals out there. However, it seems the more I dish it out, the more the readership and respect has grown.

honesty 2

Whether its sex, politics or kale, y’all like to keep it real.

  • AUTHENTICITY

While I was initially reluctant as feck to open up to the extent I have done, it turns out that sharing our stories is rather therapeutic and empowering for fellow humans… especially when it comes to #L0V3. WHO KNEW?!

  • WHINGING

It’s no secret we all love a cheeky bitch session. Alternative Thoughts has strengthened this truth, particularly when it comes to:

> social rules/expectations

> gender norms + sexism (especially towards MEN)

> bullshitters

> body shaming

  • LOVE

image

Well, it seems that we love to hate love, love to love love, and are bloody perplexed by the concept all together. We seem avoid it and seek it all at once.. hence the tinder culture of commitment phobes & situation-ships.

  • BOOZE, FOOD & TRAVEL

For obvious reasons.

  • SEX

Putting the ‘buzz‘ in buzzwords, it really does sell (haha).

The HATE train includes:

  •  HIPSTERS ‘n’ HIPPIES

hippie-rainbow-girl

Anyone remember my post- farmers market rant about the latest trend of insta- hippies who sip on coconuts while taking bare foot selfies and munching on their daily carrot stick? well that little post made it big in the blogging world (it’s legit read every day).

  • JUDGEMENT

Of others, and of our own life choices, regardless of what they are. Freedom and Equality for all, y’all!

  • RACISM

Apparently it’s a no-go zone in the white world…

  • POSITIVITY

 It seems that anytime I have my rosy- coloured glasses on, encourage an optimistic perspective, or hint at embracing a stable lifestyle, the band wagon suffers… #cray

Things we LOVE 2 HATE:

  • THE MEDIA

We hate the power the media holds. We hate their manipulative ways, the messages being communicated and the damaging effects of propaganda.

We also hate the trolling and bullying that manifests behind the screens. We are sickened by filters and the insular, vain values the gram promotes.

And yet, we continue to scroll, continue to post, continue to be influenced. The struggle is REAL.

images(2)

  • LOVE

Because, Love.

  • Feeding our Egos

Because we are human.

And there ya have it~ I’m at 700 words , which means I need to shut up ASAP or ratings will plummet. ( We are lazy and impatient, in case you forgot).

Thanks for following along, I’m always open to suggestions and alternative opinions!

Happy Tuesday!

Winter Whining (By A White Gal)

Oh holidays.. such a dreamy period full of opportunity, experiences, travel and fun…. well thats the idealistic version I diluted myself with to get through every dry, tedious lecture, assignment and exam prep.

netflix

The reality for the brain fried, lazy and every so stereotypical uni student that i am (particularly in winter) is slightly closer to unhealthy Netflix binges, pizza and alcohol consumption along with as much sleep as I can manage amongst shit-ly scheduled shifts.

Sometimes I surprise myself however, like last Thursday when I treated myself to a massage, intended to relieve the study induced tension that has NOTHING to do with Orange Is The New Black.

Having assessed the fat knots framing my neck, I knew a bita’ Chinese acupressure (with a side of back straddling) was in order.

When I called, I was excited to hear the owners voice; that woman does things to my ass that no physio has ever achieved. The relief and sensation is something else, and I intended to lay down and take it all in.

hapy endings

Just as I was settling in however, a gross creep barged into the salon, interrupting my appointment to ask how many girls worked at ‘Nihow’, how old they are and whether or not he can receive a happy ending at 3pm on a Thursday arvo in my little civilised neighbourhood.

Not only did this fuel a rage in my feminist veins, it led to a heavy discussion on race, politics, education and of course money, which resulted in a few leg kicks and excessive arm waving (GOODBYE ZEN).

I was learning a lot, mostly about men and the typical behaviours found at varying salons across the metropolitan area. (A wine or 10 was defs required to process that shit). It wasn’t until my dear masseuse decided to intercept my opinion with a solution however, that led to my… well… annoyance.

” You know, you should go to China. You would love.”

-Of course I asked what this had to do with perverted men-

“Lots of fun, good shopping, you know, good economy, find nice husband.”

Then I realised- this woman was just being patriotic. She had built a bond and felt the need to entice me into her mother country, you know- while I was naked and hot headed, covered in vegetable oil while she whispered to her employees peeping through the door.

I then remembered that I am off to Bali in a few weeks, and took a deep inhale. I pictured myself laying by the pool, coconut in hand, soaking up the rays as I take in the un-interrupted ocean view.

seminyak

Oh wait~ except for the line of beach workers shoving sarongs in my face, begging me to look, and buy, and look, and buy.

“You! black hair, you look Indonesian! very pretty! come look, come look.”

Yes, it’s cute. More so, it’s a bloody tough gig, (from a privileged white girls point of view). They are just trying to survive, and the sarongs are ever so pretty. i don’t wanna hate, or ignore. I want to show acknowledgement and respect, and I always do.

But after that, I want to be left alone. I don’t want to hassled every time turn my head in the wrong direction, or walk along the beach.

And here we have it: the clash of the worlds. The white power guilt and ethical dilemmas.

whitepower

While I admire the owner of the massage parlour, I did not enjoy receiving a photo album of Beijing post massage.

This led me to reflect on a doco I watched recently about an American girl who had been adopted from Vietnam.

Having felt a void in her adopted family, the lady went to a lengthy effort to track down her biological relatives. As I watched with enthusiasm and emotion as the woman arrived at the airport, it was so nice to see the love and connection experienced as she embraced her mumma and papa.

It was then so disheartening to watch her face change as her brother sat her down to request financial support. Being from the west, the family had assumed the girl was in the position to support the family, as is tradition in their culture anyway.

The cultural clash had struck again, and it’s no ones fault!

I’ve always believed that humans can connect and relate on many levels, from all corners of the globe. If there was one thing that divides, it is of course- the mighty dollar bills.

One day I plan to use my ‘power’ to make differences, to be honest I already do, weekly. However, sometimes all a gal needs is a good mojito in the sun to re-boot, guilt and creep free!

sex and the city

A Lumpy Liberation

10965662_10155214177660182_2039222385_n

Breaking News Ya’ll! A lady and her lumps have graced news headlines once more, encouraging us to celebrate as if we have found a cure for cancer, and gawk over the plus sized achievement.

As suggested by previous posts, my position on the body image campaign aint’ exactly a secret.

However, while Sports Illustrated’s decision did encourage a carb-athon ,and the healthy cover girl is indeed a positive movement, I can not help but feel cynical.

I mean… REALLY? it is 2015 and we (an educated, liberated, open-minded western civilisation, apparently) are celebrating a shift from underweight, extremely hungry representations of femininity as if scientists have discovered a new gender…

HOW IS THIS EVEN A THING?

As highlighted in the clip below, it is not our body shapes that have changed over time, it’s societies ideal image of the female figure (cheers). Having spent a long summer beaching, the wonderfully wide spectrum on which our body shapes vary is as obvious and present as ever, thankfully.

 

While the rig- rating panels will probably always exist, on personal and global levels, it seems as though there is a tug of war going on.

In a nutshell; curvy ladies are skinny shaming, and many plus size women are being slammed for being ‘bigger’ and ‘larger’ than the #norm.

It is not wonder then, that the issue of [Women’s] liberation, is rather confusing.

The age old question of whether women do certain things like breathe, dress [or pose semi naked on the cover of Sports Illustrated] for themselves or men, arose while I was wrapped around a pole and humping walls on Friday night.

pole_2

One of my gal pals decided to dive through our feminist layers and release our inner sexual beasts for her birthday, and I of course I am not one to refuse such an invite!

After wrapping our minds and arses around the basic sequences, it was easy to see just how much full body strength is required to perform on a pole, and also how achievable and liberating it can be!

As we crawled around slapping each others bums and coordinated our moves to Chicago, the hysterical laughter expressed just how much feather bower fun we were having, as we focused on nothing other than ourselves for the hour.

It was not until the lap dancing lesson (two champas & hours in) that I started to question whether or not I felt liberated or objectified.

Using chairs as props, we were encouraged to visualise our lovers seated with their legs opened after we had opened and straddled them (LOL).

As I tried to execute the moves while watching my friends in all their glory, I was also debating whether I felt empowered or as if I was being trained to entertain the Hugh Heifer’s of the world.

_________________________________________________________________________

When the Sports Illustrated news broke, I couldn’t help but notice the mixed commentary offered by random men and women who seemed to hold very strong opinions on the models body. This just communicated more over, how warped, conflicted and damaged our societies attitudes towards #body image; #empowerment/ #liberation, #sexism and #feminism are.

(WATCH IT!)

I would like to finish with a TED talk from an incredibly inspiring AUSTRALIAN woman who was a victim of her mother’s interpretation of femininity, empowerment and human rights. While female genital mutation is on another level of seriousness than verbal/ written objectification and bullying, all of these issues allude to a gap.

There seems to be a river dividing the western idealistic equal gendered, fully liberated, non judgemental and non sexist island many of us intend to live on, and the troubled reality we are currently swimming in.

I propose that we build some poles and swing along to the other side… Maybe then we will freely embrace our animal instincts, no matter our size!

Happy Wednesday !

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2014: Goodbye #Hashtags, Hello Sanity.

According to the Oxford Dictionary, the word for 2012 was #hashtag. Considering that last year’s was ‘Selfie’, it is refreshing to know that the word of 2014 is slightly less vein and social media focussed.

The word that encapsulates the ideologies, practices, shifts and social progression for the year that is almost finished (where the HELL did it go??) happens to be: mindfulness.

mindfulness 1

Luckily for ‘quote queens’ like myself, this means that we don’t have to conduct any rigorous #instagram searches to find streams of inspiring + positive quotes associated with the notion, and to see how much the phenomenon has spread and is transforming lives.

For others however, I know that this can seem like a utopian, unrealistic, ‘hippy only’ idea that is unachievable, or means absolutely shit- all.

So instead of boring y’all with a formal definition, and in an attempt to make this post as accessible and interesting as possible, I thought I would express my excitement over our movement towards awareness and presence and all things positive, by highlighting a few of the benefits of the concept which really has EVERYONES best interests at heart, with the main goal being : HAPPINESS.

Before I do however, I cannot ignore the current headline blaring across the television as I write this. At this present moment, it has been reported that around 15 people are being held hostage inside the Lindt chocolatiers in central Sydney, AUS.

biggun2

Naturally, viewers minds jump to past events of similarityterrorist attacks performed by extremists who justify their actions by Islamic doctrine. We also immediately fear for the future– questioning the safety our of country, the world, our families, ourselves.

We cannot forget that 2014 has been paralysed with horrific events including be-headings and the shooting down and disappearance of planes, among many other natural and man made tragedies.

The role such realities play on our happiness, and ability to live in the present [without stressing over our futures, or harbouring regrets and grudges from past trauma] is undeniable (and valid). This, however, is the reality of life.

Unfortunately we can do little to control the actions of others, particularly those who are severely brainwashed. as cliché as it sounds, the only person we can control is ourself, and if we want to see change in the world, we must start with ourselves.

Learning to simply observe and accept the constant flow of our thoughts and emotions without judgement, in every present moment may (seem like) something only those bald, buddhist monks practice, (also referred to as meditation), but it is also classed as mindfulness. And it is bloody life changing.

10836296_10154950851840182_1093109933_n

A common assumption that many of us have about meditation is the need for a blank mind; the ability to ‘switch off’ and not think, which is fairly friggen’ impossible. Sitting on a hard floor, cross-legged without adjustment or flinching for longer than five minutes is also something that most of us leave for the hairy arm- pitted.

The truth is however, that none of these expectations are required to watch our own process, challenge the negative, fearful thoughts and emotions we have, in a calming, intrigued manner, and allow them to come, and to go. All we have gotsta’ do is be AWARE; mindful.

For example- if ya fancy of bottle of vino on a Monday night when you think you shouldn’t; question why ya need the booze (?) Simply examine the thoughts and emotions that are swimming around, without judgement. The activity alone can lead you to change your actions, and understand your sub conscious response to recent (or past or futuristic) events.

Having been conditioned to suppress any negative emotions, has made expressing them through crying, writing, speaking to the cause (honestly and calmly), or other healthy outlets like exercise and meditation really difficult to do.

However, the more we let shit bottle up, the bigger the hole we dig for ourselves, and those around us.

mindfulness 6

Practicing acceptance of our thoughts and feelings can lead us to be more accepting of ourselves; the good, bad and ugly (inside and out) which then leads to positive change. The more acceptance we have for ourselves, the more we will have for others.

[The use of mindfulness can lead us to identify what annoys us about someone else, which usually is something we do ourselves, or someone who has hurt us, does].

Do you see how beneficial this shit can be? do you know how much easier and enjoyable life is when we calm down and stop caring about unnecessary stresses?

When we learn to accept ourselves; our pasts, and begin to live in the present moment, we gradually become less dependent on others, for emotional and physical needs.

This can be freeing, as we no longer NEED another human to fill a void, or heal our wounds, or to make us happy.

mindfulness 5

As a result, mindfulness can lead to the maintaining of positive, beneficial relationships, and the dropping of toxic, unhealthy ones.

Gratitude is another buzz word closely relating to the word of the year. While Americans have dedicated a holiday to the practice for a very long time, many of us forget to count the ‘little’ stuff that actually makes life pretty fucking beautiful.

Simply writing a list about the qualities of a particularly person or event each day or week or month, can REALLY change our moods, and make us happier.

So, as the behavioural scientist, yoga loving + counselling student that I am, I guess I’ve made my joy and optimism over the modern phenomenon that is #mindfulness, rather clear.

I can’t express enough, how helpful dropping the judgement and finding self- acceptance is, as well as living in the moment. For me, this was only achievable when I took the time to really tune into to my inner thoughts and feelings, and address the shitty stuff that had piled up over my life.

I hope y’all can find a little love and acceptance over the holidays. The present moment is literally all that we have. Remember that, and treasure who and what exists in it right now. Worry about tomorrow,when it comes and have a beautiful break.

mindfulness 2

Thanks for reading and supporting my little blog this year, I am very GRATEFUL for the love.

I look forward to seeing what next years word is.

Happy New Year XX